Outside the walls of my home, as I joyfully rode my red tricycle, accross the street a small boy taunted,
"Chocolate girl! You're a chocolate girl!" Suddenly I felt uncomfortable in my own skin.
I had never felt this way about myself, enough to run to my Mama's arms! She said, 'You know what? Women all over the world pay money to have skin like yours.'
I had been promoted. A sage of wisdom, perspective and confidence was passed down to me that day. Needless to say, it was the last time I would ever feel at odds about myself.
As a Filipino American growing up in a small midwest town, it was common to experience other children making comments about my skin color, the food I ate, or my Mama's accent. Our little town had one post office, one grocery store and one Filipino American family.
I was fortunate enough to have a positive attitude about myself, thanks to my Mother's confident and proud demeanor. Her influence helped me appreciate all my unique qualities, such as excelling as an Artist, selecting an old classic car for my Dad (who is white) to teach me how to change oil, learning to create things with power tools at a young age, and forming lasting friendships with other minorities in my community. By the time I finished high school, I had developed close relationships with more individuals, including Mexican, Black and Vietnamese friends, with whom I could share my experiences.
I had heard it all … like, ''Wow, we’ve never had a black lady apply here." and 'Dooooooo youuuuuu speeeak Engliiiiiish?...Oh I thought you were Chinese.' not to mention, 'What’s a falopean tube?'
And so while skipping high school, I began to think of my exit plan. I took my scholarships and headed west to the Academy of Art in San Francisco.
The Beauty of Being a Novelty
Let me clarify, there were positives to discover beyond the challenges of facing the negative impact of being brown in a predominantly white environment. I embraced my uniqueness and unconventional nature. I decided to view misunderstandings, whether intentional or not, as genuine curiosity and a chance to connect. This encouraged me to openly express my passion for Filipino cuisine and the basic Visayas and Tagalog language abilities I could remember. I was happy to offer insight and disregard the lack of knowledge, understanding the importance of broadening their perspectives and knowledge in hopes to come together.
Using my experience as a Catalyst
Perhaps all those experiences were meant to fortify my resolve, to kickstart a metamorphosis, to channel my energy into a project - a children's book that resonates with individuals like me as they mature. I had always sensed a disconnect from my forebears and stood out from those around me. If I was the sole person in this quaint town feeling this way, there could be others like me in a different small community. And if that were true, there might be numerous others. It would have been truly motivating to find someone who understood the obstacles I encountered while embracing the narrative and vision of my entrepreneurial voyage.
Your Existence is Your Permission Slip
I have always resisted the idea of seeking approval from others before creating, thinking, or taking action. It felt illogical to pursue a degree in something I already had expertise in. My belief in this grew stronger when I decided to put these beliefs to the test. I assessed the value of my art based on my own judgment and feedback, used my scholarship to relocate, sold paintings to teachers, directed individuals from college to their desired art scene without needing authorization, and achieved success on numerous occasions. No external validation was necessary. Essentially, there is no one more qualified than yourself to narrate your own story. Your unique experiences and surroundings offer valuable perspectives to impart. Your passions and hobbies will serve as your compass. How empowering and motivating is that?
Becoming A Mother
Becoming a mother quickly made me realize that my daughters needed to understand their origins and the noble lineage they come from. I want them to appreciate the beauty of their ancestors, take pride in their heritage, and draw inspiration from their resilience and courage to confidently think, speak, and act with humility and self-reflection in the context of time and purpose. Because history is written by the victors, I strongly believe each person needs to write thier own story so together we can map out our existence, our wins and fails. We owe them this, to take charge our own experiences.
How I am Using My Experience Currently
In order to understand our disposition and thrive in it, we need to go as far back as we can in recorded family history, examine the culture and events and count the blessings.
We are the realization of our ancestors' dreams. In ancient times, young individuals with the ability to memorize stories verbatim were highly valued. Preserving the exact words was crucial to ensure that future generations would not misinterpret or be misinformed. These detailed insights, lessons, and warnings were passed down through generations. However, when colonists arrived in many regions, they sought to erase these traditions. Tribes were forbidden from performing their dances or singing their songs, as these practices held their identity, wisdom, and heritage. Their way of life was disrupted, and foreign systems such as education, healthcare, authorities, and morals were imposed upon them. These systems gradually became their primary influences, shaping their ideals and aspirations. To preserve a meaningful legacy, it is essential for us to unite, reconnect with the land, and rediscover our roots and future path.
Reflecting on my daughters and remembering the disinterest I once had in books while gazing at the library shelves, I realized it was up to me to change that for my younger self and the future generations to come. Writing a history book of Filipino women was naturally the next step in my life. It took over 5 years to conceptualize and execute 'A Powerful Pinay!". but now I hope sharing my motivation will pique your interest in doing the same for your family in digging deeper.
The next step in this book is to develop an animated series and educational program that will make the collected stories more easily available to young people from diverse backgrounds.
Conclusion
Despite encountering racism and negativity, I have always embraced my sun-kissed skin and long black hair with pride. As a Filipino American, I view life as an exciting journey that I am eager to embark on. As a mother, I recognize the significance of influencing the future through literature and art. Despite the obstacles, the unwavering support of the Filipino community has been a genuine wellspring of motivation, encouraging me to persist in my endeavors as an Author and Artist.
If you are inspired to make a difference with me, I welcome you to back my next campaign by subscribing, sharing, investing, and coming along on this adventure.
Happy Filipino American History Month! Maraming Salamat! - Melissa
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